Hello my name is Polina and i guess i decided to folloe throught this thing two years later hahaha i love that every time i check my email there would be new messages every day replying back to my little journall and at first i ignored them but then i started to read the responses and they actually were pretty amazing i almost thought it was a computer writing them! i hope not� at least! Well from 2005 alot has happened i matured alot and i think i actually found my self alot of people tell me i am way to mature for my age but barerly thew people actually know my age since i was born in europe i dont like the states very much they say its a free country but i think its anything but free basically all my friends in europe dont have curfews drinking limits or ids and they are all perfrctly fine and here in the states my friends have all that and they very drunk and stuoid all the time i guess its called a sense of rebelleiust liosm and i used to be like that and i actually changed at a very young age where most people start! and i am very proud of my self!Lets�go back acouple of years when i first posted thid thing i was all about fitting in being popular and shit like that and guess what its not the best thing for you my fresh men year i hated so i transfered into independant studies and out� of nowhere i got all these friends that people in my grade looked up to and they all wanted to be my friends and guess what the people that i used to be wanting to be friends with so bad dint even matter any� more i just loved the friends that i had at the moment but more than half of them became back stabbers all the sudden i realized what it was like to have alot of friends in the states and it was not a good experience!
People are just soo jealouse and i always had to step down let my girl friends have the guy� so there wont be any tention! Now my best friends name is steven and i love to hang� out with him i guess i became thats oc party girl but im more that just that and sometime my friends wonder why i hang out with steven and honestly its because i am sooo sick of o.c�califronia i love right by the beach a block away i have all the friends i ever wanted i get invited to alot of parties and now i barerly go to any of them orange county is fake most of my friends are fake i want to go back to europe i can not stand haning aroung people my age they are wayy to immature and i cant satnd going to stupid parties where every one lives of denial of the future and just parties and does drugs maybe thats why i have a fake or maybe its because where i was born and i thought my self at a very young age how to be responsible
Today is a nice day to get hired with a�company.
Tim told me the same thing that he didn't listen to the signs of his bad relationship.� He thought that as long as she's with me, everything is okay.� Patrick also said that his ex girlfriend didn't look at him in the same perspective again.
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One will make a decision to seek help or leave...get out of the relationship.
From the Church, this is wrong.� But N has turned her back in her previous relationship without looking back.� Her personality is like that.�
She cares about the material or regrets that the credit cards are paid off and she didn't get to enjoy the house.
She seems less caring and emotionally not available at times.
Tomorrow's the appointment with Dr. Jack.� Today, I'm feeling a little bit better.� Map wrote She said, "I generally believe things work out the way they're meant to be so don't be too stressed out. �Everything's going to be okay. �You're probably just at a turning point in your life....maybe."� Strangly, I was angery to see that.� But later it calmed me.� There's nothing I can do.� Waldo suggest that I can't rush Nin because she has her own time to return if she so chooses.� MJ advised me to keep my door and heart open for her return.� Hang in there and I should write to her everyday even though she doesn't write back.� I am not to put limitation on her.� I told MJ that I don't want to play game.� MJ said that I should be open and honest.
It was a few months back, I met a nice lady who gave me a goat skin leather bible at Subway.
I started to read it Monday.� I started with Genesis.
MJ advised me to read Ephrasia for advice on marriage and relationships, forgiveness.
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It's been a little but since the last that I've written. Life is a lot easier right now. I guess that Christy and I are back together for now. I know that it's the wrong thing for me to still be with her, but I am so addicted to her. And yes a little in love too.
She wants to keep sleeping with other people, but be with me. That's going to be hard to get used too. I am always wondering who she is with when I am not around. It's not as bad as not being with her, but it's still pretty hard.
It's only a matter of time before she leaves again, so I had better have fun while I can.
Got an early call yesterday from Evelyn. She doesn't usually call me on a Tuesday morning so I was somewhat alarmed at first. I didn't recognize her voice, and she didn't get mine either, she was asking for my mother, lol. Once we got that out of the way she launched on her story of her fall at Macys the day before. She fell in the bathroom and bumped her head pretty bad, ended up having perimedics come and read her blood pressure which was too high so she was taken to the hospital. Her neighbor who'd taken to the mall went with her and they spent the rest of the afternoon in the ER when they let her go home.
She was calling me because she was going to need some help, she was deemed "fine" by the Dr. but she was feeling pretty bruised up and having trouble standing for very long. As usual she was more concerned about her "kitties" than herself. I'm sure they are her reason to keep living day after day!
I was in the midst of my morning stuff - housework, exercise, shower and a busy day ahead.�So when she said there was no rush I felt less pressure. First thing was for me to get on the phone to find possible caregivers for her to call in the future. This is a constant worry for me - she doesn't take this need as seriously as I do and she's usually finding herself quite alone and frustrated during times of ill health. Then I get the call with her pitiful voice explaining that she has no-one else and I have no choice but to drop my life to tend to hers.
She didn't need much from me yesterday though I spent the whole afternoon with her. I mostly sat (wishing�she'd let me clean�up some)�and watched her eat and kept her company. As time went by I thought she was coming around, she still looked pained by moving & couldn't stand straight but she seemed more alert than when I first got there. I�was assured by that so around 4pm when she got settled back in after our trip to the store I headed out to try to catch up on my day's chores.
I may hear from her again today so I'm not sure what Wednesday is going to offer me in terms of the things I want to get done. I've got a few hrs. work at Pam's, I want to go to the glass maker�and look into getting�our new mirrors made, have to go to Casa to pick up Sean's HS packet for registration next week (woo-hoo!).
Right now I'm finishing up my coffee and feeling ready to hit the treadmill! So I'll seeya till next time.
������������ The closest I have to a father is his brother. I never had a good time with my father. He always calls me stupid and retarded. I never had a father and son time. I don’t even know any of my father’s friends. When he was a child he never wanted to be a part. My uncles tell me he never wanted to hang out with them.�
����������� � I’ve tried to talk to him buy he keeps calling me names. Both of my parents have an odd relation ship. My dad never bought my mom flowers or gifts. He told me to buy her something for her birthday. My dad doesn’t spend time with my mom like a married couple should. He is very stubborn and almost as if he does not have feelings. Lately the most important to him is money. He doesn’t care about his children.
������������ My uncle tried telling my dad. He tried to make him understand that you can’t force his children around like this. He treats everyone like his slaves. And me, growing up like this has done much pain. He becomes violent at times. I have tried my best to keep things under control. Being a brother of two sisters has put more responsibility on me.�It would be too selfish for me to move out with out my sisters. I had taken a lot of blame and took care of them the best I could.
������������ �I live with a stranger who is my biological father. I don’t think he deserved to have children. He never prepares a meal or fixes his bed. He never makes a plan that everyone can agree on.�He can’t do anything right. All he is a guy who goes to work, comes home and yells at me complaining that he pays for my electricity, food, etc. he goes to the beach by himself while I work my ass of at home.
Choice of -gram cracker crust
store bought, homemade, whatever
1/2 c whipping cream
1- 8oz pkg cream cheese
1/2c sugar
2T dark rum or orange juice
1T vanilla
1/4 tsp almont extract
~combine and mix until smooth
pour into crust, chill 3-4 hrs
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2 medium peaches, nectarines or any stone fruit thinly sliced
2T lemon juice
1/2c fresh rasperries, blueberries or any other small round berry
1/4c favorite preserves+2 T honey
Arrange sliced fruit on top of chilled cream filling.
Decorate with berries and drizzle mixed preserves on top of everything.
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